God is the cure. Really? I wish I would have thought of that one years and years ago before I "chose" this path... before this brokenness became a path of pursuit for me. It was never my pursuit; it did become my life.
I read someone post a status today about people being depressed or grieving during December, telling them that if they just poured that grief into their faith to maybe pray a little more or spend a little more time with God, then maybe their depression or grief wouldn't be that bad.
While a positive and endearing thought, I read, it is still bothering me today. It's going on weeks now since I read the initial post, and I am awake at 2:00 A.M. sharing the writing I put together weeks ago on what a twisted sense of thought.... let me break it down for you:
It's been a few hours now, and I'm still greatly bothered by this message and the fact that it was shared publicly. I'm not one to be "triggered" by things, but when it comes to my faith, acting as if it's the magic "cure" for my depression, or that my grief is unrealistic because I'm a Christian. It isn't just unrealistic for me; it's not unrealistic for any person who struggles with grief or depression this time of year but also is deeply rooted in their faith.
The 23rd Psalm IS the essence of the humanity involved with grief when God is by our side. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil, for THOU ART WITH ME." It doesn't say, "I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and maybe if I pray a little harder and come to church more, and if I believe in God a little harder... maybe He'll be with me." He is ALWAYS with you. He DOES NOT forsake you. Even when your grief, depression, or anxiety feels unsurmountable, HE is with you, despite what any other human being says about your faith. This is your journey- not theirs.
It is through my losses and depression that my faith is larger than any ocean. It is my faith that gets me out of bed in the morning. It is my faith that allows me to scream, See You Again, by Carrie Underwood at the top of my lungs when I'm driving down the road wishing I could call my mom instead of driving to the cemetery to talk to her Stone. It is my faith that allows me to keep living without fear of the future. It is my faith that allows me to know that God's promises and love don't run out for me or anyone else struggling with depression or grief because God's promises and love simply don't run out.
So despite the time I already spend leaning into God, despite the times throughout the day I pray for His strength, His steadiness, His goodness, His love, and His blessings, I will pray and lean into Him much more for the person who wrote such a sad and disturbing post.
Grieving people are not broken. Depressed people are not broken. They are not less Christian than you or the next person.
We are not any less faithful than the person next to us, in fact, if you pause to talk to us, you'll discover that our faith knows no boundaries because it has been tested time and time again by the ways of the world. Our depression and our grief have nothing to do with our relationship with God, it has everything to do with being human. We are all imperfectly perfect; broken little mosaics made by Him.
So to the person who wrote that post targeting people like me: You're right, God is the cure. I'm surely so lucky to be loved by Him and be able to lean into Him through my not-so-pleasant seasons, and I pray that instead of trying to "pray" the unpleasant away... perhaps you'll find a way to walk alongside those actually living in it, just as He does.
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