Happy Tuesday everyone! It’s been a minute since I’ve been on here. I hope everyone has had a great start to their year. Its been a little rough over here! It’s cold, busy, not enough Vitamin D, and my seasonal depression really likes to fire itself up... it’s hard, but like I said, we made it!!
Part of my *hope* for this blog some day is to be completely transparent with my audience about my life, but I’m going to be honest... I’m still not there yet. I struggle with it a lot, mainly because I like the idea of perfection too much. And, that’s okay. That’s the beautiful and horrifying part of social media. You can make life look like whatever you want, even if that’s not how it really is.
But regardless of all that, it’s been a tough start to 2020, and I just have to give a huge shout out to my partner for a little something he did last month that just made things better. He sent me Tuesday flowers.
So what you’re probably thinking is this post is just going to be some long winded, exaggeration about how great my future husband, Walter is. And while Walter is my favorite person on earth, this isn’t entirely about him. This is more about me, and God’s plan for me. God’s plan for all of us heartbroken women.
You see, prior to Walter, I had dated every single kind of wrong you could think of. I dated men older than me, I dated narcissists, I dated the successful businessman who was out of my league, I dated guys who weren’t involved in the greatest extra-curricular activities, I dated bums, I dated guys who manipulated and controlled, I dated the guy who was a pro at ghosting, and I dated the cheater. I pretty much had been through every single *type* someone could possibly find. I still prayed for my marriage. Not that I’m super religious either, don’t think that. I’m Catholic, I go to church, I drink wine, and I’m known to curse more than a lady should. But, I still prayed. Even if it was with tears streaming down my face and my heart busted into a million pieces, I still asked God to send me what I always called, Tuesday flowers.
Tuesday Flowers is my idea of a guy sending or bringing flowers to me just on a random Tuesday, with no expectations of anything in return. He hadn’t cheated or lied. The flowers weren’t in an attempt to manipulate or take advantage of. They were just simply because he loved me. Just on a random Tuesday, an order of flowers because I am special to HIM.
One day, I finally gave them up.
It was only until I quit trying to date every type of guy (or let’s be honest here, fix every single one), that I realized I was best dating myself. I did a REALLY good job at it once I made that decision. You see, I took myself to the gym, movies, and out to eat. I got carry out sushi, binge watched Sex And The City, and made giant bubble baths with a candle and glass of Pinot. Gosh, I got so so so good at loving me. So good, that I stopped praying for my marriage. I stopped praying for Tuesday flowers, because I didn’t think they were for me. God had a different plan that didn’t involve them, and I was okay with that.
You see, Tuesday flowers were something I never thought I’d get, I just maintained my faith that maybe some day if the timing was right it would be for me. That’s the thing I learned about faith. We have to accept it as it is. We don’t get a choice in any of this life. We have to be willing to open our hearts and minds to the possibility of what we want isn’t always exactly what we get or what is best for us. Sometimes, it’s even better than what we thought we deserved.
I am so so lucky that God placed Walter in my life. Although I am great without him, I am better because of him and because of his love. As we navigate marriage preparation in the church over the next 9 months, I am sure you will hear a lot from me about this mushy stuff. But it is oh so true, and definitely appropriate this week out of all weeks. If you haven't found your Valentine yet, keep the faith. Maybe you will get yourself some Tuesday flowers....
